31st May 2006 (Wednesday)
Have been thinking very long on whether should i pen down my feelings here? But after much thoughts decided to do it as i don't keep a diary.
Have not been myself for the past few days, reason is bcos my so call "father" came to me after so many years. 1st thing he ask for is money! Of cos, i turned him down, as he has never performed the duty of a father, why should i give him anything? Bcos of that we had a big fight over this.... after he left, i had a tiff with my guardian (my father's sister) over this issue.
Most of the time im thinking, why is life so unfair to me? Why people can have a complete family and i don't? Frankly speaking, im never truly happy in the last 25yrs.... i got no one to turn to when there's problem, i got no one to turn to when im sad, no one there to share my happiness with..... I've never told my problems to any one, not even my closest guardian (as i don't want her to worry as she's very old) No one remembers my bday when i was a child, until my sec sch times when i start to have friends of my own....
Im really tired of putting on a smile in front of everyone. But i got no choice.... i know that nobody wants to have a sulking friend who always feels sorry for himself.... i've been always bottling up all my feelings! I don't know when i will breakdown? The only thing thing that kept me going is my auntie who is now 83yrs old. I cannot imagine one day when she's gone.... I know for now, i definately can pull thru this. Just like before, after every fall, i always get up again myself, im not going to fall apart so easily..... |
