19/04/2005, seems like everything is coming back to me again. Tossing and turning in my bed, thoughts running wild, feels like everything is bleak .... thought that soon i will be waking up from this nightmare, but ..... these few weeks, i don't feel like myself. I'm confused, I'm lost .... i feel im a changed person, i don't enjoy doing what i used to do, all my favorite games, my favorite shows, they all don't seems to interest me any more. My weakness is causing me so much pain. "Everytime i see you in my dreams, i see your face, you're haunting me"

Thought that medications are my best cure, but now its seems like its no longer working, couldn't sleep all nite even after taking the med, eyes wide opened, strange feelings running inside of me. Needed to doubled the dosage every nite. How long will i need to go through all this. "I made believe that you are here, its the only way i see clearly"

20/04/2005, again I overslept, think it might be the medications as i doubled it most of the time. Can't really concentrate at work any more .... mind drifting away even someone is talking. Normally, will be going home straight after work. But today, a sudden urge to just hang around ... just don't feel like be at home alone as no ones home. Strangely, wherever i go, the place just seems familiar, feels like i've once been there with someone close .... but just don't wish to recall who .... Really hoping that i could gather enough strength to make it though this rain! "At night i pray that your face will soon fade away"